Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Question... Surrogate Side

Well, hello out there!  It's been a while!

You probably thought this blog would come to a slow halt after delivering Charlie since it seemed like the natural ending to such a beautiful story (and you are probably correct in thinking that), but I'm not done yet.

I know in the past, when there was longer gaps between posts, it usually meant there was something radical that has happened which ultimately caused the holdup.  Welp, same thing goes for this delay, too...

Things were going pretty normal as this journey was coming to a close.  I received "thank you" and "goodbye" emails from my agency and was asked to complete an "exit interview" so they can get honest feedback.  I was happy to oblige and completed it without hesitation.  The very end of the form had a "hypothetical" section - I've copied and pasted that part below with my actual answers:

If you were planning to perform another surrogate pregnancy, 
would you choose Circle Surrogacy as your agency again?
Yes.  Definitely.

If you were asked to perform another surrogacy for the same couple, would you?  Why or why not?
I would want to, but I don't know if it is something my body could do again.   
We shall see.  It would be hard to say "no" if they asked.   
They are such an amazing couple and our journey together couldn't 
have been any better.  They are an extension of my family now.

A day or two after submitting the exit interview back to Circle, I received an email from K.  This email was probably one of the most heartfelt sentiments that I have witnessed in a very long time.  It went a little something like this:

Hi there!! I hope you guys are doing well!! 
I still can't believe Charlie is getting so big. 

Today, as I have been reviewing paperwork from Circle that they sent yesterday, 
one of the questions they just asked was if we would ever be interested in a sibling journey. 
The answer is 'yes', we would be interested in trying 1 more time.

We are so incredibly blessed no matter what would happen though.  
J and I actually feel really uncomfortable asking this question, 
and fully would understand if your husband came to our door with a shot gun. ;)

We don't know if you would ever be interested in doing surrogacy again for us or someone else. 
I realize this is a huge, huge decision and we would never, ever expect this of you 
and our love and appreciation for you extends a lifetime. 

In planning for the future it is something we wanted to ask, the main reason of course 
we wanted to ask you before anyone else and we know the process can take a while and J is old. 
All kidding aside, my endometriosis is getting worse so it was recommended 
if we wanted to try ever in future again for 1 more child we should do sooner than later.  

Again, we feel uncomfortable even bringing it up, and wouldn't for a second ever be upset 
or think differently of you if you said "no way".  

Thanks for letting me know your thoughts and I truly hope 
I didn't offend you or make you uncomfortable. We send our love! Happy happy weekend!!!

After reading this, I immediately wanted to reply back to let her know that she in NO WAY made me feel uncomfortable!  And so I did...

I wanted to get back to you right away to let you know that you are FAR from offending me!  
It is, actually, quite a compliment.  :)

As much as I would love to jump up and down and say, "YES, OF COURSE!", I don't have an answer for you right now.  
This will have to be something that I will have to really discuss with my husband.  
I have said before, that if I ever did decide to do this again, it would ONLY be for you or my immediate family.  
If it was solely up to me, I would jump all over this opportunity - I just love you and your (growing) family!  
But, I have others to think about, too.

Like I said, I don't have an answer for you right now, but just know that I won't be doing this for anyone else. 

Let's just say I was able to miraculously get the hubs eager for me to do a sibling project; 
when were you looking to start this again?   

I took some time to really think about this.  I gathered up the nerve to broach this topic again with my husband.  (Don't get me wrong, he was completely on-board with Charlie's surrogacy; he was proud of me and was so happy to witness such a gift.  He was, however, also really happy to have his wife back.)  He reacted just how I anticipated he would, but then really surprised me.  He wanted me to talk with my doctor and my family.

And so I did.  My doctor wants at least 8 months between conceptions and is perfectly okay with me doing another surrogacy.  I spoke with most of my immediate family and they are supportive of whatever decision I make.  Some thought I was crazy, but are supportive. How did I get so darn lucky??

That said, I still had to make the decision for myself.  I weighed all the possibilities and really thought about all the scenarios my husband voiced to me (some of which were absurd -- shorter life expectancy with multiple births??, while others were realistic -- being able to do the things we wanted to do with our own family). 

It's been a lot of back and forth for me.  Will I be a surrogate for K&J again?  Will I be the one to give Charlie a sibling?  Stay tuned.


  1. You KNOW I'm staying tuned! I'll be anxiously awaiting the follow up post. :-)

  2. Isn't that just the BEST feeling EVER? It's like acing your annual performance review at work and being asked to be your best friends maid of honor all at the same time.